Chapter 2: Loving the Hurt Away: Why The Relationship Had to End

Chapter 2) Friends, Girlfriends, and Beyonces 

When I first introduced Fatima into my social circles, I had all the best intentions. She was new to town and I felt this would provide an outlet where she could meet new friends and connect with others in the Triangle Park area. Unfortunately, things did not work out as intended. As Fatima and I became closer, the weekly socials began to take a toll on our relationship.

The social environment became toxic. Fatima became prey to the endless rumor mill, where she was constantly given something to be worried about. As mentioned, I just completed my MBA program and was in need of a social outlet to release a lot of the stress that had built up over the past two years. I partied like a Rock Star! Those who witnessed this saw something else and thus the rumors started. The women in the social environment were extremely flirtatious, so Fatima's insecurity was warranted. I understood this and time after time, I ensured Fatima that I was not involved with any of the women. I explained that since I was one of the major facilitators that I was simply nice to everyone, sort of like the Host with the Most. Since we were all single and lived in a small town, the weekly socials provided an outlet for us. Without them, there would be very little for single adults to do. This explanation did not help much. Instead she became increasingly more jealous and insecure. I would eventually leave this social environment in order to focus on life and marriage counseling with Fatima.

Fatima's girlfriends were a piece of work. To me, they seemed like a real life version of a Beyonce video, always into some trouble with a guy and always giving bad advice. So I dubbed them "The Beyonces". Through my relationship with Fatima, I began to realize how detrimental Beyonce's music could be to impressionable young women. Fatima and her girlfriends were these young women. Beyonce constantly told these young women to fight and confront their boyfriends, but never told them to sit down, talk, communicate, and work things out. As a result, no matter how hard I tried, Fatima and I could never simply sit down and discuss an issue. Instead, her temper would flare. She would yell, throw her hands in my face, and say "You think I am stupid!" Then she would shut down, just like in a Hype Williams video.

I let her know daily that one of my major attractions to her was her intelligence. I would always tell her how intelligent she was when it came to figuring out complex things. She could figure out computer issues quicker than many of my engineering friends. Her common sense was unreal. Fatima was dynamically smart, and I loved this about her. I tried to let her know that just because I disagreed with her, it did not mean I thought she was stupid. It simply meant that I disagreed. But for some reason these words fell on deaf ears.

In the meantime, The Beyonces did everything they could to undermine the relationship. Whether spying on me at events, writing letters of their disapproval, or worst of all, attempting to use the Church as a platform to end our relationship, they never relented. Thankfully Fatima was strong. She would tell me that those women were simply lonely and miserable and wanted to keep her as a part of their group. Fatima stayed strong until The Beyonces planned an actual intervention at church with one of the elders. Fatima was embarrassed and felt betrayed. However the Brand New… Believers in Christ, The Beyonces, felt compelled to exercise their new holy understanding and privileges. Fatima expressed to me that she felt ganged up on, so I immediately went to her aid. I attended church with Fatima, showing The Beyonces that I was there for Fatima and would not allow them to pick on her and mess a good thing up. Soon after, the problem went away.

We won this small victory together, but the war still continued. For some reason, Fatima could not stop telling The Beyonces and others details of our personal relationship. The more people got involved in our relationship the more drama we had. Since we did not have the ability to sit down and talk issues out and resolve them, the problems simply compounded. I wished Fatima would hear what I was saying. I had no ill intent when I was out partying; it was just a way for me to temporarily alleviate stress. Fatima simply was unable to forgive, to respect, or be patient with me as I went through this phase. This drastically prevented us from moving forward.

Fatima remained extremely insecure. She valued others' opinions more than she did her own. The Beyonces' gossip allowed her to compare herself and her relationship to others, preventing her from seeing the strength and value in our relationship. It was as if she had become extremely superficial, caring more about how things appeared to The Beyonces than the reality of things. This really hurt and saddened me. So I thought about the things that had happened. I thought about the night of the baptism and the stepfather, remembering the way he spoke to Fatima and the way he spoke to me. I thought about The Beyonces and the grief they caused in my relationship with Fatima, but most of all, I thought about Fatima. I thought of the fact that we live in a world that feels hate for black men and realized that the echo of this sentiment by those who were dear to Fatima was not her fault. I thought about what she was going through. I thought of this strong, intelligent, beautiful woman that I adore, and knew she didn't deserve any of this. I thought of my love for her and wanted so much to do something to keep her happy and smiling. After deep thought, I closed my eyes and thought of what was going on around me, and for only the third time in my life, I cried. I cried the sorrowful tears that Jesus must have cried for His people when He said 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do..." I sat, as a man, and I tried to cry away the hurt, to love the hurt away…. and the pain……To Be Continued